Learning
When we think of bullying, we often associate it with older children in the playground. But the truth is, even in early years settings, children can sometimes show behaviours that feel unkind, excluding or aggressive. Claire Adams, CEO, Tinies UK, offers some very useful advice on how to deal with it.
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‘While very young children are still learning how to express themselves and manage their emotions, carers and parents need to be alert to the signs – and ready to step in with understanding and guidance,’ advises Claire.
‘Handled with care, these early moments can become powerful opportunities to teach empathy, kindness and respect – values that can last and empower a lifetime,’ she adds.
The most effective response combines firmness with empathy. Incidents are best addressed calmly but quickly, so children see that unkind behaviour is not ignored.
In nursery or pre-school settings, challenging behaviour doesn’t always take the same form as bullying among older children. It may involve repeated name-calling or mocking, physical behaviours such as pushing or hitting, deliberately excluding another child from play, or using intimidating and frightening language. At this age, many children don’t fully understand the impact of their actions. What may appear to be bullying could sometimes be the result of frustration, tiredness or a lack of social skills. That’s why the way adults respond matters so much.
Carers and parents can look out for changes in behaviour that suggest something isn’t right. For example, a child who is usually confident may suddenly become withdrawn. Another may appear anxious about going into nursery, become clingier at drop-off, or seem reluctant to join group play. Some children might complain of feeling unwell more frequently, which can sometimes be their way of expressing worry. Equally, children showing bullying behaviours might be signalling that they need extra support themselves. They may be struggling with sharing, experiencing overwhelming emotions or exhibiting behaviour they have witnessed elsewhere.
The most effective response combines firmness with empathy. Incidents are best addressed calmly but quickly, so children see that unkind behaviour is not ignored. It helps to name the behaviour rather than the child: for instance, saying ‘hitting hurts’ rather than ‘you’re naughty’ – so that children understand their actions have consequences without feeling labelled. Gentle questions such as ‘How do you think that made her feel?’ can encourage reflection and nurture empathy. Adults who model kindness and respectful communication also set the tone for how children interact with one another. And, crucially, when parents and carers work together and agree on consistent strategies, children receive the same clear messages at home and away.
Children learn empathy through experience, not instruction alone. When adults take time to observe, listen and explain feelings in simple, relatable ways, young children begin to make sense of their own emotions and those of others. Encouraging them to talk about what happened, to use words instead of actions, or to help make things right builds emotional intelligence over time. These small moments of reflection are powerful. They teach children that mistakes can be repaired, feelings can change and relationships can be rebuilt – laying early foundations for resilience, understanding and kindness that endure far beyond the nursery gates.
Preventing bullying in early years is as much about what we encourage as how we respond. Creating activities that celebrate teamwork and cooperation, praising kindness and sharing, matter just as much as academic or developmental achievements. Encouraging children to include others in their games helps to build a culture of belonging. Reading stories or using play to explore emotions, fairness and friendship can also be a powerful way of reinforcing positive behaviour. When kindness is noticed, valued and celebrated every day, children learn that it is something important and rewarding.
Early experiences shape children’s confidence, resilience and sense of belonging. When children learn from a young age that unkind behaviour is addressed and kindness is encouraged, they carry those lessons into school and beyond. For carers and parents, responding to bullying in the early years isn’t about punishing, but guiding. It’s about helping every child – whether they’ve been on the receiving end or shown challenging behaviour – to feel safe, supported and understood.
True kindness begins in childhood. When early years settings champion empathy and inclusion, they do more than prevent harm – they shape tomorrow.
Bullying in early years may feel daunting to confront, but it’s also a chance to plant the seeds of empathy and respect. With patience, clear boundaries and a nurturing environment, childcare professionals and parents together can help children grow into compassionate, confident individuals who know the power of kindness.
True kindness begins in childhood. When early years settings champion empathy and inclusion, they do more than prevent harm – they shape tomorrow. Every gentle conversation, shared story and act of compassion helps children grow into thoughtful, resilient individuals who know that caring for others makes the world brighter.
About Tinies
Tinies Childcare UK has been connecting families with high-quality childcare for over 50 years. Originally founded as a nanny agency, Tinies has 29 branches across the UK. Its reputation is built on safe, personalised placements and a commitment to professional standards in the childcare sector. Supporting families through every step of the nanny hiring process is at the heart of what it does.
Visit www.tinies.com
